Kulya dalam Relung Filsafat
Bercermin pada Kalender Kearifan Leo Tolstoy
Nurel Javissyarqi
(I)
Segala puja-puji bagi-Mu Allah, Pemilik perbendaharaan
tersembunyi di langit dan bumi. Alhamdulillah, masih terinfus nyawaku yang
malu-malu akan arti kepergian abadi. Dan kasih sayang-Mu, memberi pencerah bagi
yang berpengharapan cahaya.
Dambaku menjelma laron belum terbang, aku baru saja
dilahirkan dari sebuah tradisi, sedang saudara-saudaraku lebih dulu. Diri ini,
masih mempelajari maksud penerbangan kejadian, aku saksikan getar menghalau
jiwa mungilku. Yang terbang jatuh sayap-sayapnya patah, ada yang patuh di becek
air akhir hayatnya, pula merangkak mencari pendamping demi menyatu dalam
pusaran hakiki. Aku masih khusyuk memulai definisi lampu, sungguh semua laron
mengharap cahaya, pun diriku. Menyaksikan seluruhnya terbang menari-nari hingga
lelah runtuh.
Akankah sebegitu berhasrat? Aku menimang ragu di teluk
cemburu. Sanggupkah melesat tinggi dari sebelumku? Aku tak ingin cepat berlalu,
atau hanya di kerendahan remang. Mulai kusadari ruh adalah cahaya pencerahan
kasih Penghulu. Aku syahadatkan sebelum menanjaki udara, aku gerak-gerakkan
sesayap pada kegamangan sangat ditimpai kepiluan, dan getar kusaksikan
meng-idam warna sungguh edan. Belum aku capai keinginan Manunggal di
perseteruan batin nafsu. Sungguh saat itu ingin halalkan segala atas
orang-orang terdahulu, tetapi nyatanya angin beliung membeku di perseteruan
masa.
Nang ning nung, berilah keheningan ‘suwong’ akan raga
musti meleburkan nafsu, demi kuteguk ridho-Mu yang ‘sawong’ dalam pemahaman
paling ‘kluwung.’ Mulai lepaslah satu-persatu rerahasia keganjilan penuh,
terbangnya lar-ku mendentup tak harap cepat luruh mengguruh tiada ingin runtuh.
Aku berdaya kesaksian malam itu, membeletat relung sukma mengajak ruh
‘ngelayap’ bersama jasad paling ‘jabung.’
Aku kepakkan pelahan tarian memikat, aku haluskan budi
pekerti asal jiwa sontak. Kini, dalam putaran bersama, sembilan laron
berkelepak jatuh, tujuh lainnya gugur tergeletak, dua belas lain merintih
terkapar di samping pagar. Aku tinggal sendirian, tanpa teman pula penghibur,
aku berbisik di kesendirian terhimpit dingin menggerogoti sumsum dalam citraan
orang bingung.
Untunglah telah belajar sebelumnya, kugayuh cahaya
mencium lekad digetar jiwa hangat menyatu di tulang rusuk. Satu persatu menghilang
lenyap entah. Apa aku temukan di dunia nyata? Atau menjelma bidadari surga?
Sungguh aku terpana kehakikian moksa, tanpa warna bunyi serangga. Apa yang
harus aku tempuh? Ingin memutari cahaya lagi, sebagai kiblat ruh jiwaku bersama
waktu. Oh, aku menikmati segala yang pernah kuterka; dugaanku menjelma ilmu,
kepahaman makna hidup bersetubuh dalam keagungan wujud menyatu.
Tidak kuhitung memutari cahaya itu menari-nari dalam
kalbu. Aku berharap gosong cahaya-Mu, tetapi Kau tak memberi nyala padaku, aku
tatap lekat hingga imbang persetubuhan penentu takdirku. Kau dalam gambaran
cermin, atau aku harus mandi seribu kali, demi mempertampan rautku ketika
hendak muwajahah.
Kesturi kusemat di ketiakku, sungguh mabuk cahaya-Mu.
Makin lama dayaku layu, aku dengar terompa malaikat mendekat. Siapa kau, wahai
yang bertubuh memenuhi bumi dengan sayap? Jibrilkah? Atau sang pencabut suka?
Aku dalam kesedihan awan memberat sesenggukan, tapi tiada medekap erat, hanya
menyambangi waktu sekilas. Lalu terbang meninggalkanku, dayaku lama-lama
bertambah sayu, aku kendorkan ikatan ketentuan yang kupercayai pijakan. Aku
lepaskan seluruh, demi mendapati ketetapan.
Aku bersimpuh bumi menggapai masa-masa kaku terpecahkan,
disaat sayap-sayapku lepas satu-persatu. Kenapa tidak masuk di becek air keruh?
Sebab kutahu bukanlah kesejatian ilmu, hanya hiasan duniawi yang mematikan
kawan lalu. Maka aku putuskan mencari tulang iga, dan tiada lama bertemu,
kubopong dalam pelaminan debu, itulah penulis maksud; Kulya dalam Relung
Filsafat.
(II)
Setelah menyimak paparan ganjil gandul, tetapi bukan
bandul di pintunya Faust-Goethe, pula beda saat menaiki pesawat hypersonicnya
Derrida, Freud, Nietzsche, Sartre serta lainnya, yang tentu kau nyaman dalam
membaca.
Namun tidak selalu menaiki pesawat kan? Pasti rindu
berjalan, kangen menggelandang. Sebab itu bacalah Kulya, kerikil kepastian,
bukan sedari mimpi tidur tidak nyaman. Seperangkat kerja hari ini, kebijakan
jalan biasa seperti wasiat Voltaire, Plato, Aristoteles juga Hegel, pelan
sesuai laju hayati, maka jangan terburu-buru ketika meraupnya.
Revolusi terjadi, jika dikerjakan hati-hati pikiran
matang dari dasar renungan, gerak bukan kenangan, tapi menggali air di
pekarangan, memuncratkan tanah liat berpasir, dan semuanya musti dikeluarkan,
bukan batuan besar, tapi kesadaran lembut pembangun tembok keadaban.
Kulya, elok parasmu di mata sedang berjalan. Bukan pesan
ajaib hanya bisa dilakukan pesulap atau pepesan kosong. Namun deretan sketsa
mujarab, dataran cermin digosok mengkilap, tidak cembung cekung menimbulkan
penyempitan serta gelembung. Kau kudu (harus) menarik diri sebaik mungkin atau
kecewa, tetapi jangan pecahkan cermin, meski citranya pudar bertelanjang.
Ceriwiskah aku? Kulya menjelma jati diri utuh, bukan asal
para tokoh tersebut. Berhubung kau suka bayangan, kutaruh sosok pesona tubuh
mereka, sedang cahayanya dalam diri kita. Untuk tidak salah memilah bebatuan
kerikil, temukan dirimu penjaga keselarasan kasih sesama, yang tak memaksa
kehendak dari akar sebelumnya.
Kulya sedang menyapa jaman di waktu pembacanya. Mencari
puisi ke pelosok damai sejati, sebagai peristiwa sulit dilukiskan semata
pancaran keagungan. Menghampirimu bukan lewat sangkaan semu, tapi duga ilmu
membuka jaring-jaring ketulusan. Culik aku bagi tangkapan bermutu, aku terima
di-beteti menjadi santapan bernilai di kediamanmu.
Jangan tersenyum wahai yang membatu di pinggiran sungai.
Kalau sampai tak bertemu, berarti memberi ketukan pintu keliru. Untunglah
setiap nurani insan seirama gerak kesadaran, dan bukan akar kekuasaan filsuf
terdahulu yang nongkrong di otakmu.
Kulya hanya menjumput hati menghidangkan bagimu. Andai
tak berkenan buanglah jauh, ini bukan mengasih, tapi sekadar memberi tahu
semuanya memiliki. Sungguh sayang jika tak sampai berjumpa, buah kebenaran
makna mengemban hidup, serta mewariskan kebajikan pada generasi terhormat.
(III)
Enak sekali bicara selera kebijakan; seorang teman
nyeletuk. Lalu kusampaikan ini; mumpung kertas serta pena masih bersetia dengan
kalbu dan jiwa. Apa yang engkau mau tentang selera kebijakan? Jika memang tak
berminat, jangan sekadar jarak, ambil sikapmu dengan kalimat runtut. Kau yang
paling menggebu kutunggu; di mana teman baikku?
Teman itu kelemahan juga kekhilafan. Tegur sapa aku, agar
balik mengembang. Kulya sejenis ucapan harus dituruti, diruntut dari asalnya
waktu kemana kan jatuh; kalbu atau nalar. Inilah rangkaian jadwal kerja, dan
itu kebenaran cinta. Bekerjalah menurut seleramu. Kemerdekaan berpijak
dilahirkan menentukan pandangan, maka asah mata penamu demi tancapan kian jitu.
Aku berharap kata-kataku sampai ke seberang, serupa
jembaran Langitan kembar, satu menggiring ke utara, satunya mengajak ke
selatan. Atau timur-barat digayuh, sementara aku tak kemana-mana serupa orang
gila di jembatan, kadang sebelah kiri dan kanan. Kanan kiri menjadi tidak
jelas, sebab menuju satu titik tujuan. Kalau tak menyebut utara selatan, timur
barat, kiri kanan, aku berlalu lalang hampir tertabrak. Syukurlah segera terjun
ke bengawan, mengikuti alirannya sampai yang dimau, bergelayut pasrah dalam
keremangan doa air mata.
Aku tak lagi peduli yang tengah lalu menentukan sikap.
Oleh akulah kemarin, kau berhenti mendadak, padahal jalan searah. Kau memang
tidak ambil giliran, inginnya menyerobot saja. Kecuali di arena balap bisa
seenaknya, tapi hati-hati tikungan tajam, kan jatuh mencium aspal mengkilat
atas hujan lewat. Kata preman, pecinta juga yang iseng; jangan saling
mendahului, tapi nyata kalimatnya sama; jangan saling bunuh! Namun setelah
temukan kata membunuh, malah melakukan dulu. Sungguh ini kebalikan musti
ditilik.
Kembali pada judul atau tak patut dipersoalkan, kalau
nanti mencederai. Andai menjadi akrab bersahabat tak apa, aku teruskan seperti
angin menarikan jemari bambu depan rumah. Setiap harinya berpadu rayu di lentik
idep-mu, membasuh segaris tebal alismu pegunungan seribu. Inikah pandangan
berpindah tentang Kulya-mu dalam Relung Filsafat-ku, berisikan ujaran-ujaran
hidup. Di tahun lalu, telah kuluncurkan aforisma Ujaran-Ujaran Hidup Sang
Pujangga, murni sepuluh tahun tertempuh. Namun hasilnya masih merasakan kurang
mapan menjanjikan pedoman. Maka bagi penambah, Kulya ditampilkan; taruhlah di
meja perjamuan tengah malam atau dalam kesianganmu sendirian.
Taruhlah sebelum mencintai, agar mampu mengambil sikap
kebajikan menderap, meski belum beranjak, tapi sudah ada krentek-an niat.
Sejenis itu yang kuharapkan Kulya. Taruhlah kalimatnya, lalu keluarkan
pendapatmu. Adakah kemiripan? Kalau tiada, itu yang kuharap bagi selera
kebijakanmu. Ini penolakan persetujuan sangat, dimana keduanya merangkul
diterima pada lain tempat secara pandang. Wajah itulah kebijakan, tiada membela
pun dibela, sebab pembelaanmu menjelma pribadi bermutu.
Kau iri hati ketika aku berceloteh? Yang sebenarnya
kurang bijak, sebab iri hati itu kehormatan tersemat di tubuh kehendak. Agar
tak menaruh hormat, irilah pada diri sendiri yang jauh berlalu membatu. Atau
kenapa pengantar ini dipersembahkan bagi diri sendiri. Ini tolok ukur gratis
bermasyarakat, sebagai pelajaran cuma-cuma tanpa dipungut biaya di bangku
sekolah, hanya moralitasnya tanggung jawab akan tenggang rasa.
Orang Jawa dahulu berkata; ini belum waktunya dipelajari
atau yang sirr (rahasia) membahaya diungkap. Dua kalimat yang menonjolkan ego,
tanpa sepengetahuan penikmat. Ini hipnosis memikat; tidakkah yang berkata belum
waktunya, tidak mengetahui rahasia umur seorang, apalagi dirinya? Tidakkah sirr
itu nikmat sejenis sirr-sirr-an, atau kerahasiaan buka-bukaan? Memanglah di
sini ada hijab melingkupi, tapi lewat kesungguhan batin, segala yang batin tak
lagi membatin.
(IV)
Wahai pencipta di remang rimbun dedaun, lagi-lagi mungkin
ada yang kurang berkenan, tapi biarlah hadirnya keaslian atau jangan-jangan
tidak mempunyai; kesahajaan tampak walau tiada terkatakan. Ialah gerak
pandanganmu ke telaga ketika mengajak aku, keayuanmu bukan yang kau lihat, tapi
mereka tersaksikan.
Ia pemancing tidak peduli bayangannya menanti tangkapan.
Jangan tanya atas apa mendapatkan, ia kurang berharap akan hasil payahnya,
hanya merindu kesendirian mengalir, dan matahari-matahari melampaui kepala. Ia
bukan pemancing malas melemparkan jala.
Tahukah yang dipercakapkan sewaktu bersama ‘senar,’
‘walesan’ serta celurit besi mungil? Ia menunggu sambil berdialog batin atau
bersamamu sekadar lewat. Tidakkah di antaranya permasalahan sekitar, maka
kehati-hatian patut dituntut, bukan kegamangan terlalu tak beranjak oleh
kesemutan.
Perhatianmu perbandingan merindu, kehati-hatian pula
kesemutan. Di sana aku sebut harus menerjemah. Bukan berarti penerjemah tidak
memiliki, lewat pandangannya berbagi jarak sangkal punya selera kenyam; memamah
usia di kesenyapan, merah senja mendekam tenggelam pada kesuntukan liang,
karena rindunya Ruh bertautan.
(V)
Wahai Jiwa-jiwa Tolstoy
Aku mengintipmu di balik kelambu. Kaukah yang menunggu
terlempar pemahamanku, atau kupapah dalam pengantin waktu? Inikah berkah umur
meluruskan, seperti apa pandanganku disaat berhadapan denganmu? Benarkah ini
berkah usia kutanggung?
Mengingatmu bahwa kesalahpahaman terjadi, harusnya
dikurangi, agar tak terbentur remuk sekali, tapi berpelukan hangat. Sebab cinta
bukan ilmu hitung, tapi keberimbangan hukum keseimbangan nurani. Salam damai
yang peringati hari, esok pijakanmu, maka langkahkan sepatu menurut selera
kebenaranmu.
Aku tersenyum simpul padamu saat kau intip jendela
bukuku, dunia baru pemandangan anyar menanti hakikatmu takdirku. Namun apalah
arti kelahiran kalau tak bertemu kesadaran matang bermuara kebijakan lapang.
Salamku dari dekat; tinta hitam di matamu lekat
menari-nari ke kalbu memberat, meluap kabut tersingkap pada dedaun menjelma
embun memikat. Aku mabuk pengalamanmu-pengalamanku berpadu,
pengajaranku-pengajaranmu bersatu pusaran lesung tersimpan
henang-hening-henung.
Ya Allah, doaku sunyi menggebu dalam citra-Mu. Berilah
kepaduan penuh keselarasan utuh, meski waktu tak balik berpeluk; yang
belakangan milik-Mu, begitu juga kini, apalagi kereta kejayaan. Aku cemburu
atas keputusan-Mu, berilah cukup kebijakan mauku; membiru dalam genangan
kenangan, mengundu di kesunyian remang, memerah di kelenjar fajar memutih ke
haribaan.
Aku si lemah berharap setuju dalam guyub ridho-Mu, oleh
mentari mencahayai bintang-gemintang, bulan menemani kunang-kunang, apalagi
kalau bukan ayoman-Mu kebijakanku. Kulya pada itu remuk suntuk-Mu, sebab waktu
tidak balik bertemu, hujan menggenangi pipi sekali hadir kunanti kebijakan
rahayu.
Marilah duduk santun berjamu, mengunyah kunyit temu masa
lalu, dan bersyukur diberkahi kasih punya sayang membalas kesempatan,
menemukanmu dalam kereta menuju kota, orang-orang melihat kita bagai ratu dan
raja, menyebarkan beras kuning kembang tujuh rupa.
Tahukah kau yang paling kusuka, saat telingamu terselip
sekutum kembang kantil putih susu. Perhatikan anak-anak pelosok desa sahaja,
para prajurit punggawa gagah, berompi mentereng membawa tombak trisula,
kuda-kuda perkasa ditunggangi kesatria, barisan berjajar mengawal kerinduan
kita.
Yang lalu tak terkira kini menjelma perhitungan, nyata
kedekatan jiwa mengikat segala maumu jiwa-jiwa Tolstoy, dariku juga dindaku
tersemat dalam Kulya. Aku dan ia punya mau, semoga Tuhan setuju. Jika lelah
suntuk atau suntuk lelah, hempaskan balik napasmu dalam kebesaran menyungguhi
pemahanmu Kulyaku.
(VI)
Jadilah sorgaloka pendapatanmu saat belanja di pasar
kebudayaanku. Pilihlah maumu, bebuah kurma di talam, buah-buah anggur nan
segar, pun kembang sedap sumekar.
Atau sepasang sepatu kuda, agar larimu bertambah kencang.
Mungkin kau mengidam pelayananku bersama gadis-gadis pemikat batin? Jangan
malu, aku tak bercerita pada siapa pun, jikalau kau setuju.
Ini bukan pasar gelap loakan, celeng pun semacam barang
rongsokan apalagi curian, sebab segala kuberi kebaharuan pandang. Aku berharap
hanya satu berlaku, mata uang kejujuran.
Terbukalah olehku penuh kejelasan dagang, memang ada yang
kurang kusuguhkan. Aku tak mengadakan yang tiada, yang terjadi serupa kau tak
merasai panah asmara, ketidaksadaranmu kuambil untuk engkau milikmu yang belum
terketahui, pun hanya kupersembahkan bagimu.
Harga-harga kuharuskan terang, aku tak suka
mencla-mencle-nya lidah apalagi hati, maka jangan penasaran mengenai spekulasi
atas untung lebih, karena harapan terlalu kan memberi bekas rasa sakit.
Ambillah pelahan sebagai fitroh kesejatian hayati, tentu engkau memahami
kedatanganku.
Sengaja tarianku tak lagi menggebu, sebab kau sering
pening melihatku berputaran-putar ibarat balet membelit selendang. Ambillah
jarak nilai, agar tak cepat menawar dengan harga menggelikan. Sungguh kau punya
penawaran terbaik yang sanggup menyembuhkan luka kemanusiaan.
Kulya pada keterpisahan hening kesadaran paling jitu,
dari lingkupmu menyetujuiku, keterjaan tekadmu berjembatan saat bertemu.
Tidakkah aku telah bercerita mengenai kereta?
Mereka menantimu wahai pesemayam di kedamaian, siarkan
ketentramanmu menjelma puisi pula lagu atau rumusan ayu. Pemahaman demi
pemahaman, panas siang mendung ‘klawu’ malam temaram. Siapa pemilik senja fajar
abu-abu?
(VII)
Inikah segitiga sama kaki di janggutmu, ketika menyusuri
jembatan waktu sedingin tubuh beku, maunya panas demam menggigit kepastian
cecapan lidah, lantas putus memasuki perut. Sebelum terlanjur di kedalamannya,
marilah memohon kepada Pemilik Hidup seperti melapangkan yang dikehendaki,
menyempitkan yang sebaliknya juga yang seharusnya ditelisik ke dalam diri.
Apa yang dikatakan ‘unen-unen’ di atas; pemilik malam
merawatnya hingga menemukan purnama pula bintang-gemintang di mata, kejatuhan
embun selepas bergumul lamanya kabut menunggu. Dan pemilik siang pelihara
dayanya di segenap terang, menemukan cahaya matahari menerobos kulit dedaunan,
mewarnai kesadaran tubuh berupa kebalikan batiniyah malam.
Sebenarnya Pemilik siang-malam senantiasa merawat
malamnya tiada kelengahan. Sepenuh menggenggam kesadaran gemuruh siang lewat,
juga malam harinya dikenyam demi kelanjutan menemukan siang berbinar, atas matahari
bagi penggenapan bulan semalam.
Ada sebuah tanya tak mesti terjawab, tetapi diterima.
Ketika terjaga malam hari, siangnya tiada risau, atau tak merasa ada yang
tertinggal pula kehilangan, tapi saat terlelap di malam hari, siangnya
melupakan. Inilah ketaksadaran bening dilewat. Namun bukan terus terjaga di
segenap siang-malam, tapi ini yang terberi kedua waktu berbeda warna, pula
ukuran masanya. Apakah demikian?
Menggelitik memang, menerangkan yang sulit dimengerti,
tapi tidakkan yang belum sampai tak harus dilewatkan, bukannya dilalui dengan
kesadaran kemungkinan terkendalinya ruang dirasakan. Dunia yang kita pijak
kehati-hatian, mempengaruhi gerak ketentuan, mengajarkan nanti berjalan celaka
atau berlaku sebaliknya. Kiranya semangat meneliti mengagumkan, jika jejaring
kesadaran mengangkat yang kabur, meneggelamkan keragu-raguan bersama keyakinan
tengah malam.
Sampai kini mensejajarkan siang-malam, keduanya
berkemampuan, berdaya rekat seimbang berbeda warna, di sini tempatnya fajar
senja berbuah sepadan wujudiyah. Namun bagaimana kalau merasai siang di malam
hari, merasai malam di siang hari, atau tak merasa keduannya dalam kurungan
definisi. Ini bagai purnanya penghilangan ruang-waktu setelah lewati tahap
persetubuhan senyawa.
(VIII)
Yang jauh dan dekat disandingkan kemesraan. Ini bukan
intrik persekutuan, tapi siku-siku kokoh segitiga kesetiaan. Yang bermusuhan
pun bercinta, bobotnya sama berkehendak manunggal. Menjelma garis ketiganya
bertemu saling menutup, bukan membuka huruf U kerenggangan. Senapas melodi
gelombang mendekap, sebanding mencapai bintang menjulang.
Andai di keremangan terwujud, tinggal diimbangkan cahaya
luar, agar tak kontras pada pemilihan tempat. Untuk kemakmuran hati seyogyanya
dibutuhkan pencahayaan purna, kejelasan guna tak tersandung fitnah, fatal lagi
menganggap tiada sebab kegelapan. Cahaya yang utama, sketsa membutuhkannya,
makna yang terkandung adalah tunduk Pemilik Cahaya.
Tahap berikut benar-benar kerelaan total akan kebutuhan.
Tidak mungkin segitiga menjaring cahaya, maka harus memanfaatkan lubangnya demi
peroleh bentuk. Oleh karenanya, ruang di luar harusnya ditutup rapat; goda
keragu-raguan yang dapat membuyarkan garis terang, adalah ketegasan ditegakkan
demi ketajaman maksud.
Secara naluri segitiga berlubang, tinggal meneguhkan
niatan. Di sini sudut-sudut diberi tugas sama mengangkat menuju ke pucuk
realita. Bagaimana, jika salah satu sudut segitiganya telah bercahaya? Taruhlah
di tengah yang akan membentuknya.
Bagaimana jika cahaya bukan hasil segitiga, tapi dua garis
sebelumnya? Tinggal mengarahkan yang sedang berlangsung kesadaran kecil
mengikuti dewasa. Kenapa segitiga? Sebab butuh pencahayaan fokus. Tanpa cahaya
kan buyar tak terarah, tiada memiliki titik kejelasan pada dataran kesungguhan.
Barangkali siang-malam dan senja, atau siang-malam dan
fajar bersatu dalam diri, untuk mengurangi kelupaan yang selalu merasa
kehilangan. Akhir panjang pendeknya catatan ini bagi surat pamungkas firasat.
Atau jadilah tembang nang-ning-nung bersetubuh dalam Relung Filsafat Kulya.
Hadirlah kesetaraan menimbang bahan bergerak senyawa kuat, mawas diri dalam
cermin kaca benggala masing-masing.
Yang baik terpantul terang, yang keliru tersadar tiga
kali. Kulya tidak habis memberi inspirasi, menimba kata-kata jernihkan mata
batin. Anak-anakan rambut ikal memanjang, janganlah putus sebelum siang malam
senja, malam siang fajar; kau aku juga mereka, aku kau kepada-Nya.
Seperti memindahkan Ibukota, aku pamit mengalihkan bukit
Arjuna menjelma Candi Prambanan, sambil kutaburkan kisah percintaan, batu-batu
Borobudur kuambil, lalu aku masukkan dalam ingatan jaman. Aku tegakkan tugu
kaca segitiga di tengah kota, agar saling bercermin dalam laku kemanusiaan.
Wahai pemberi keberanian ini, salam dariku punya mau; kebijakanku menjelma
maumu. Lantas apalah pedulinya yang tidak setuju kebijakanku.
02/12/2004, 09/2009, 2 Mei 2020.
***
Prologue; NANG NING NUNG, IT’S MY TYPE OF POLICY
Kulya in Deep Space of Philosophy
Reflect on Leo Tolstoy’s Wisdom Calendar
Written by Nurel Javissyarqi
Translated by Agus B. Harianto
(I)
All praise and worship to You as the lord of hidden
treasure and hidden vocabulary in the sky and in the earth. Alhamdulillah, my
life is still embedded shyly for the meaning of everlasting leaving in me. And,
Your mercy gives enlightenment for who hopes on the light.
My craving transforms to be firefly that still can’t fly;
I was just born from a tradition, whilst my brothers born earlier. I am still
learning destination of the flying of event, I witnessed pulsation frightened
away my cute soul. Which fallen when flying because of broken wings, and some
became obedient in muddy water for the end of life and also crept to get best
friend to unite in circle of essence. I am still concentrating to begin the
definition of lamp; all flying white ants really hope the light from me.
Watching all those are dancing till tired over.
Will I become pant for? I consider the doubt in the deep
space of jealous. Can I fly away higher than my former? I don’t want to be
forgotten quickly or just at the low of obscure. I began conscious that the
spirit is the light of brightness of the End’s love. I confessed in the name of
Allah before step on the air, I moved the wings at deep hesitation by pain, I
witnessed the pulsation misses the truly insane color. I haven’t reached yet
the willing to gather with Him in the conflict between heart and passion. At
that time, I was really wanted to do anything beyond the former. But, the fact,
the typhoon is frozen at the conflict of time.
Nang ning nung, gave silence of emptiness on the body
that must wipe the passion out for me to take Your empty bless in my most
variety and curve understanding. Start to release the secret of full
mysteriousness on by one. My wings flying were beating hard cause didn’t hope
to be quickly dropped and thunderous didn’t want to be fallen. I had the power
of testimony of that night to tear out the life spirit and asked the soul to
wander together with the stickiest body.
I flapped the charmed dancing slowly; I softened my ethic
and virtue which came from surprised soul. Now, those are in same rotation,
nine flying white ants fell, seven of them died and abandoned, and twelve of
them lied down and groaned at the side of fence. I lived alone without any
friends any comforter. I whispered in loneliness because of pressed by cold is
gnawing foundation of confused people.
Fortunately, I have learned before. I reached the light
and I kissed tightly in the pulsation of warm soul which is uniting in ribs.
One by one disappeared doesn’t know where. Will I find it in the real world?
Or, transforms to be the angel of heaven? I was really stupefied by the essence
of disappear without the sound of insects. What should I do? I wanted to rotate
the light again as the center of the spirit of my soul with the time. Oh, I
enjoyed anything I have ever guessed. My prediction transforms to be knowledge,
comprehension of the meaning of life copulated in glory of gathered
realizations.
I didn’t count how many times I rotated the light was
dancing in my mind. I hoped to be scorched by Your light. But, You didn’t give
the light to me. I stared viscidly the copulation of determinant of my destiny
until be balanced. You are in the picture of mirror or I had to take bath
thousand times to make my face more handsome when I want to humble before You.
I used civet at my armpit, because I was really drunk by
Your light. My strength became weaker, when I heard the steps of angels came
closer. Who are you, alas the one has body fulfills the earth with your wings?
Are you Gabriel? Or, you are the withdrawer of joy? I was in sadness of cloud
that become heavier in grasps, but none embraced tightly, only visited the time
for a while, and then, flied to leave me. My strength became droopier. I loosed
the rope of destiny that I believe as foundation. I released the whole thing to
get certainty.
I kneeled on earth to reach unsolved stiffly times when
my wings are engaging one by one. Why it didn’t drop in the muddy of dirty
water? Because I knew it didn’t the essence of knowledge, it only the
decoration of worldliness which deathly for the former. Hence, I decided to
find the costal and I met soon, I carried it on the marriage’ dais of dust.
Those I, the writer, meant for; Kulya in Deep Space of Time.
(II)
After I paid attention to the mysterious explanation of
hanging around but this wasn’t meant the door accessories at the house of Faust
– Goethe, and also it’s different when we ride on hypersonic aircraft of
Derrida, Freud, Nietzshe, Sartre, etc, whom you fell comfort in reading.
But, it doesn’t have to by the plane, does it? We must be
longing to walk, be yearning to wander aimlessly. Therefore, read Kulya, the
pebble of certainty. It didn’t come from the dream of uncomforted sleep. A set
of working to day, as the policy of usual ways like the last will and testament
of Voltaire, Plato, Aristo, and also Hegel. It runs slowly like the speed of
life, hence don’t get rush when you want to get it.
Revolution occurred when it is worked carefully by
matured mind from the bottom of contemplation. Its motion doesn’t come from the
memory, but comes from digging the water on yard, spill clay mixed with sand
out and all must be spilled out. It doesn’t big stones, but it is soft
consciousness of developer of the wall of civilization.
Kulya, you look so nice on the eyes of walking person.
You are not the spiritual message that only can be done by the magician or only
conversation without meaning. But, you are cure-all sketches. If we caresses
surface of mirror, it will be shining; it won’t be convex or concave that can
bear narrowing and also bear bubbles. You must restrain your selves as well as
you could, or you will be disappointed. But, don’t break the mirror although
its prestige is faded nakedly.
Am I talking too much? Kulya is transforming to be intact
self identity. It didn’t come from those prominent figures. Whereas, you like
the shadow of public figure, hence I putted the charming figure of their
bodies, while their lights are in our selves. In order to do not wrong choosing
of pebbles, figure your selves out as the guardian of harmony of love each
other, who doesn’t lay down the law since previous basic.
Kulya was accosting to the ages at the times of its
reader. It seeks poems till the corners of true peace, as the phenomenon that
hard to be described by a vision of glorious enlightens. It visits you, trough
not absurd assumptions, but it is knowledge estimation to open the nets of
sincerity. “Kidnap me for quality capture, I will be relieve to be peeled to be
valuable food in your place.”
“Don’t smile, alas the one who becomes stone at the side
of river. If we won’t meet each other, it’s mean that we are knocking at the
wrong door. The lucky thing, every heart of human being is harmoniously in
motion of consciousness, and it’s not the root of philosophy’s power that
dwelling in your mind.”
Kulya is only picking the heart to and present for you.
If you don’t feel comfort with it, throw it away. It doesn’t mean to give, but
it’s only telling you that everybody has. Too bad if we don’t meet each other,
the fruits of wisdom’s truth carries out the life, and also inherits the virtue
to next and respected generations.
(III)
It is easy to talk about the sense of policy; my friend
said it in free time. Then I said to him about it; while the papers and the pen
were still loyal to the heart and soul. What do you expect from the senses of
policy? If you don’t intend to it, don’t just make distance wit it, take your
decision with the continuous sentences. You are the most things I ever wait;
where is my good friend?
The friend is weakness and also mistaken. Say hello to
me, so I accosted you back in advanced. Kulya is such a word that must been
followed, traced from where it was came from of time and where it would be
stricken; into the heart or into the mind. This is a series of work’s schedule
and that’s about the truth of love. Work as you like. The liberty to step on is
born to determine the view, hence grind down your tip of pen in order the
embedding to be sharper.
Hopefully my words would be broadcasted to the across
country, such as the wide of twin skies, one leads to the north and the other
leads to the south. Or East and West are reached, while I was not going to
anywhere like a crazy man on the bridge, sometimes onto the left side and
sometimes onto the right. The left and the right becomes indistinctively
because it aims to one point of goal. If we don’t mention about the north or
south, east and west, left or right, I wouldn’t crushed when I went back and
forth. It would be grateful I was straight to jump down and swallowed by the
big river, to follow its current to the place it wanted, hanging defenselessly
in the vague of pray and tears.
I don’t care anymore to the one who is thinking to have a
certain attitude. Because of me you were suddenly stopped yesterday, instead
our path is in the same direction. It was indeed you didn’t want to take turn
to get in front of me. Except in the racing filed we could do as we like, but
however you must be careful to the blind turning if you don’t want to kiss the
glossy asphalt because of passing rain. Street man said, the lover and the
joker; don’t getting ahead of one another, but in fact the sentence is same;
don’t kill one another! But, after found the word of kill, instead you did it
earlier. It is the reversing that must been observed.
Let’s get back to the title or it shouldn’t be the
matters, if it will hurt. But if it becomes intimately would be fine, I would
continue to dance the finger of bamboo in front of the house. Everyday I gather
the personal persuade in curved of your eyelids, wash a thick line of your
eyebrow, the thousand mountains. Is this the view changed in your Kulya in
(Dalam) my “Relung Filsafat” (your Kulya in my Deep space of Philosophy), which
contains “Ujaran-Ujaran Hidup Sang Pujangga” (Pronouncement of Life of the
Poet), and really finished for ten years ago. But, its result is still felt not
established yet to give main viewpoint. So the addition of Kulya is performed;
put it on the table of midnight’s hospitality or in your lonely noon.
Take it before you love, in order you could to have
constantly kindness behave, even though you haven’t done it yet but at least
you had been have intention. Something like that I hoped from Kulya. Got its
words and give your opinion. Are there similarities? If there are no
similarities, that’s I hope of your type of policy. This is disapproval of the
great deal, where both are twining and received in different place and
different way of view. That face is the policy, no plead or even been pleaded,
because you pleading incarnates to be personality that has quality.
Do you envy I talked too much? It is truly not wise,
because jealousy is the honor pinned on the body of wish. If you don’t want to
be left by the honor, envy to your self which is going so far and tough. Or,
why this prologue is performed to my self. This is the gratis viewpoint to be
socialized as the free education without fee such as in the formal school, just
its morality has responsibility on consideration.
The old Javanese have ever said; this shouldn’t be learnt
or it is secret that is jeopardy to be revealed. Two sentences signalized ego
knowledge from its reader. This is attracted hypnotize; doesn’t who said the
words is not his time to say that, he doesn’t know the secret of age of
someone, moreover himself? Doesn’t “sirri” is deeply enjoyable such as the
secrets are revealed? It is indeed in here there is “hijab” (veil) blanketed,
but through the seriousness of the heart all inside the heart won’t be longer
as the secret.
(IV)
Oh! The creator in the bushy of bushes, again, maybe
there is disliked. But, just let the originality comes or otherwise they don’t
have it; the comfort is visible even though untold. It is the motion of your
staring to the lake when you asked me, your beauties are not what you seen but
they are performed.
The fisherman doesn’t care about his shadow when he is
waiting for his capture. Don’t question about what he captured, he was just not
hoped on his fruits, he just missed the loneliness comes forward; the sun
passes above the head. He is not a lazy fisherman by throwing the net.
Do you know what he talked when he was with the string
for fishing, fishing rod, and diamond fly cutter? He waited while he was doing
conversation in his heart or with you that was just passing through. Didn’t
among of it is the around matters, hence the carefulness is deserved to be
demanded, it wasn’t the incredible hesitation he didn’t move because of became
numb.
Your attention considered him to miss, to be carefully
and also becoming numb. At there mentioned that we must interpret. It doesn’t
mean that the translator don’t have it, through his view to share the distance
of disagreement and sense of interpretation; processing his experience in the
loneliness, the red of twilight be in crouching and sinks at the seriousness of
hole, because of the longing of The Spirit is related.
(V)
Oh! The souls of Tolsoy
I peeped at you behind the curtain. Was that you waiting
for my flung understanding, or I guided in bride of time? Is this the grace of
age to straighten what my view was when I stood before you? Is this really the
grace of time I have been carrying?
Remember you that the misunderstanding happened, I must
lessen it in order not to be crushed over, but fathom seriously. Because love
is not mathematic, but it is the balance of the law of heart’s balance. Peace
to the one who is commemorating his birth day, tomorrow is your stepping
switch; hence move your shoes as the sense (type) of your truth.
I was smiling at you when you peeped at the windows of my
book, new world new view have been waiting your essence and my destiny. But,
what the meaning of birth has if it doesn’t meet the mature consciousness which
is flow to the end of spacious policy.
My greeting is from short distance; black ink in your
eyes is sticky and dancing into the heart and getting heavy, brimmed over the
uncovered fogs and transformed to the charmed dews. I was drunk by gathered of
your experience and mine, my education and yours was united in the rotation of
canoe (space) and kept in the henang-hening-henung (very quiet and lonely).
Ya Allah, my pray is quiet and buoyant in Your Image.
Bless me full gathering and intact harmony, although the time doesn’t back to
embrace; the past is Yours, and present days as well, moreover the cart of
glory. I was jealous of your Decision, just bless me the wise of my willing;
being blue in puddle of memory, picking in the loneliness of sunless, being red
in the gland of dawn, and being white into Your Presence.
I am the weak, whom hope lots to be agree in the crowded
of Your Blessing, by the sun illuminates the moon, and it accompanies the
firefly, what else it is if not Your Sheltered to my policies. The kulya into
it is crushed by your seriousness, because the time won’t be back to meet me.
The rain flooded to once performing cheek is I waiting for the well-being
policies.
Let’s sit politely with hospitality to chew the beer of
past, and be grateful because we are blessed by love and care to repay the
chance, found you in the train aimed to the town, people watched us like a king
and a queen, scattered the yellow rice and seven kind of flowers.
Do you know what I most prefer, when on there is as white
as milk of frangipani flower on your ear. Pay attention to the boys from the
prosper village, the brawny soldiers wear flossy vest and hand sharp stake
spear, the strong and robust horses are ridden by the knight, aligned cavalry
escorted our longing.
The unpredicted past time is now incarnating to be
predicted. It is real that the nearness of soul engages anything you wish, oh,
the souls of Tolstoy, from me and my beloved is pinned in the Kulya. I and he
have willing, hopefully Allah blesses us. If you tired, re-breathes of yours in
the glory to be serious your understanding, oh My Kulya.
(VI)
Be the heaven of your \opinion when you were shopping in
the market of my culture. Take anything you like, date palm fruit on the tray,
fresh grapes, or even the fresh blossoming flowers.
Or a pair of horseshoe for your faster runs. Perhaps you
craved my service with the girls attracted to the heart? Don’t be shy, I won’t
tell anybody if you agree.
This is not black market or even flea market, money box
is such a wreckage thing or even the stolen, because everything I gave is
renewing of view. I wish there is only one accepted, the currency of honesty.
It was opened by me the clarity of commercial, but there
is still lack I performed. I didn’t make exist whatever is nothingness, but
whatever happened similar like you don’t feel the coming of the arrow of love,
your unconscious I took for you and the unknown belong to you, and also I
presented it only for you.
I demanded clarity of prices, I don’t like the
inconsistent of the mouth moreover the heart, hence don’t be burnt up about the
speculation on the profit too much, because hope leaves too much pain in the
heart. Take it slowly as the purity of the essence of life, definitely you
understood my arrival.
Deliberately my dancing is not so buoyant anymore,
because you often had headache seeing me pirouetted in ballet dancing twisted
the shawl. Have the distance of value in order you not to be hurry to offer
with laughable price. Obviously you have good offers that could cure the
wounded of humanity.
The Kulya in the separation of silence of the most
accurate consciousness since your scope agreed me; the awareness of your strong
willing has bridge when it met. Didn’t I tell you about the train?
They have been waiting for you, oh the one who stays in
the peace, broadcasted your comfort incarnated poems and songs or even beauty
formulas. One comprehension to another understanding. The hot day, the gray
cloud and the sunless night. Who is the owner of twilight and the gray dawn?
(VII)
Is this isosceles triangle of your chin, when you traced
the bridge of time that was as cold as frozen body but its willing was so
strong as such fevering and biting the certitude of tongue’s tasted, and then
broken off to enter the stomach. Before it was going deeper in to it, let’s
pray to The Owner of life to relieve anything He wished and narrowed on the
contrary and also what should be introspected inside the self.
What had have said by proverb above; the owner of the
night takes good care of it until we found the full moon and also the stars in
the eyes (the enlightenment of view), the dropping of dew after it was tussling
with long waiting of mist. And the owner of noon takes good care of his
strength in the whole light, found the sunbeam break through the skin of
leaves, colored the awareness of the body with the reversing of night’s heart.
Actually the owner of day and night always takes good
care of his night without any carelessness. With the whole of his ability he
grasps thunderous consciousness of passing noon, and also the night is
experienced for the sake the continuance to find the bright day, on the sun of
completeness to last night moon.
There is a question that must not been answered but it’s
accepted. When we awakened at night, at the day we wouldn’t feel anxious or we
wouldn’t feel there is something left behind or even lost. But, when we felt
asleep at night, at the day we are going to feel lost. This is the clear
unconsciousness we missed. But, it doesn’t mean that we should be awaken at day
and night, but it is the given from both time that is different in color and
even the dimension. Is it so?
It is motivated indeed, explain the elusive, but it won’t
the immature understanding shouldn’t be missed, it doesn’t mean that it must
been passed with the consciousness of the possibility of space controlled that
felt. The world we live on is the carefulness affects the motion of certitude,
teaches us to step in bad lucky later or on the contrary. Presumably the spirit
to research is amazing if the net of consciousness raised the vague, sunk the
hesitation into the conviction of midnight.
Until now it is still stabilizing the day and night, both
have its own ability, have the same attractive power but different color. Over
here is the place where the dawn and twilight has fruit that is equally with
wujudiyah. But, how if we feel the day at night, and feel the night at day, or
even we don’t feel them both in bracket of definition. It is such as the
perfection of elimination spatiotemporal after passed the level of soul’s
copulation.
(VIII)
The far and the near is sitting in the intimation. This
is not intrigue of alliance, but it is tough angle of the triangle of fidelity.
The hostile and being in love, the quality is same they have willing to be in one.
Incarnated the line and the three of it met each other and closed each other,
didn’t open like the alphabet ‘U’ which means estrangement. It is as same as
the breathing of the melody of waves and equally with reaching the towering
stars.
If in the sunless it was materialized, it just equaled
with the outside light for the sake of there won’t be any contrasts at the
determination of place. For the comfort of heart, obviously is needed the
perfect lighting, the clarity in order to be not blocked by calumny, it is so
fatal because of assumed not existing by the darkness. The prior light, sketch
needs it, it’s mean that we should submit to the Owner of The Light.
The next level is really totaled sincere to the need. It
is impossible that the triangle catches the light; hence we must use its hole
to get the form. On that ground, the space outside should be closed tightly;
temptation of doubts that could disperse the bright line is upheld firmness for
the sake of the accurate of destination.
In our instinct, the triangle is holed, we just
strengthened the intention. In here, the angles have the same duty to rise onto
the top of reality. How if one of the submissive of its angles had have the
light? Put it on the middle that would form it.
How about if the light is not the result of the triangle,
but two lines before? We just led what’s going on; the young consciousness
followed the adult one. Why triangle? Because of it needs the focus of light.
Without the light, it will be spread over without any direction; it won’t have
the point of clarity at the sphere of seriousness.
Perhaps, the day-night and afternoon, or the noon-the
night and the dawn united in the self to lessen the forgetfulness that always
felt lost. At last, wide and limited of this note is to be the final letters of
feeling. Or, it becomes the song of nang-ning-nung that is copulating in Relung
Filsafat Kulya (Deep space of Philosophy of Kulya). And then came the equality
to consider the matters with the motion of strong souls, carefully in each
introspection.
The good is reflected brightly, the mistaken is wised up
three times. Kulya won’t be extinguished to give inspiration to bail the words
clearing the eyes of heart. The hair is hanging loose; don’t be broke before
the noon night and afternoon, the night-noon and the dawn; you and me and also
them, me and you to Him.
Similar like moves the capital city; I would say good bye
to divert the Arjuna hill incarnated to be the Prambanan temple while I spread
the story of love, I took the stones of Borobudur then I put it in the memory
of period. I upheld the triangle glass monument in the middle of the city, for
the sake of we could spruce in the mirror in the manner of humanity. Oh! The
giver of this courage, greeting from me whom has willing; my policies
incarnated to be your wish.
December 2, 2004, September 2009.
Kulya: In Arabic, we surely know the word ‘kul’ which
mean ‘say of you or talk’ and ‘ya’ which mean ‘hey, alas’. In here, translator
captured that the writer wished to combine this words becomes ‘kulya’ which
mean ‘hey, you better say, or, hey, you better talk.’ Wallahu alam bishshowab.
***