Prolog: Nang Ning Nung, Inilah selera Kebijakanku

Kulya dalam Relung Filsafat

Bercermin pada Kalender Kearifan Leo Tolstoy

Nurel Javissyarqi

(I)

Segala puja-puji bagi-Mu Allah, Pemilik perbendaharaan tersembunyi di langit dan bumi. Alhamdulillah, masih terinfus nyawaku yang malu-malu akan arti kepergian abadi. Dan kasih sayang-Mu, memberi pencerah bagi yang berpengharapan cahaya.

Dambaku menjelma laron belum terbang, aku baru saja dilahirkan dari sebuah tradisi, sedang saudara-saudaraku lebih dulu. Diri ini, masih mempelajari maksud penerbangan kejadian, aku saksikan getar menghalau jiwa mungilku. Yang terbang jatuh sayap-sayapnya patah, ada yang patuh di becek air akhir hayatnya, pula merangkak mencari pendamping demi menyatu dalam pusaran hakiki. Aku masih khusyuk memulai definisi lampu, sungguh semua laron mengharap cahaya, pun diriku. Menyaksikan seluruhnya terbang menari-nari hingga lelah runtuh.

Akankah sebegitu berhasrat? Aku menimang ragu di teluk cemburu. Sanggupkah melesat tinggi dari sebelumku? Aku tak ingin cepat berlalu, atau hanya di kerendahan remang. Mulai kusadari ruh adalah cahaya pencerahan kasih Penghulu. Aku syahadatkan sebelum menanjaki udara, aku gerak-gerakkan sesayap pada kegamangan sangat ditimpai kepiluan, dan getar kusaksikan meng-idam warna sungguh edan. Belum aku capai keinginan Manunggal di perseteruan batin nafsu. Sungguh saat itu ingin halalkan segala atas orang-orang terdahulu, tetapi nyatanya angin beliung membeku di perseteruan masa.

Nang ning nung, berilah keheningan ‘suwong’ akan raga musti meleburkan nafsu, demi kuteguk ridho-Mu yang ‘sawong’ dalam pemahaman paling ‘kluwung.’ Mulai lepaslah satu-persatu rerahasia keganjilan penuh, terbangnya lar-ku mendentup tak harap cepat luruh mengguruh tiada ingin runtuh. Aku berdaya kesaksian malam itu, membeletat relung sukma mengajak ruh ‘ngelayap’ bersama jasad paling ‘jabung.’

Aku kepakkan pelahan tarian memikat, aku haluskan budi pekerti asal jiwa sontak. Kini, dalam putaran bersama, sembilan laron berkelepak jatuh, tujuh lainnya gugur tergeletak, dua belas lain merintih terkapar di samping pagar. Aku tinggal sendirian, tanpa teman pula penghibur, aku berbisik di kesendirian terhimpit dingin menggerogoti sumsum dalam citraan orang bingung.

Untunglah telah belajar sebelumnya, kugayuh cahaya mencium lekad digetar jiwa hangat menyatu di tulang rusuk. Satu persatu menghilang lenyap entah. Apa aku temukan di dunia nyata? Atau menjelma bidadari surga? Sungguh aku terpana kehakikian moksa, tanpa warna bunyi serangga. Apa yang harus aku tempuh? Ingin memutari cahaya lagi, sebagai kiblat ruh jiwaku bersama waktu. Oh, aku menikmati segala yang pernah kuterka; dugaanku menjelma ilmu, kepahaman makna hidup bersetubuh dalam keagungan wujud menyatu.

Tidak kuhitung memutari cahaya itu menari-nari dalam kalbu. Aku berharap gosong cahaya-Mu, tetapi Kau tak memberi nyala padaku, aku tatap lekat hingga imbang persetubuhan penentu takdirku. Kau dalam gambaran cermin, atau aku harus mandi seribu kali, demi mempertampan rautku ketika hendak muwajahah.

Kesturi kusemat di ketiakku, sungguh mabuk cahaya-Mu. Makin lama dayaku layu, aku dengar terompa malaikat mendekat. Siapa kau, wahai yang bertubuh memenuhi bumi dengan sayap? Jibrilkah? Atau sang pencabut suka? Aku dalam kesedihan awan memberat sesenggukan, tapi tiada medekap erat, hanya menyambangi waktu sekilas. Lalu terbang meninggalkanku, dayaku lama-lama bertambah sayu, aku kendorkan ikatan ketentuan yang kupercayai pijakan. Aku lepaskan seluruh, demi mendapati ketetapan.

Aku bersimpuh bumi menggapai masa-masa kaku terpecahkan, disaat sayap-sayapku lepas satu-persatu. Kenapa tidak masuk di becek air keruh? Sebab kutahu bukanlah kesejatian ilmu, hanya hiasan duniawi yang mematikan kawan lalu. Maka aku putuskan mencari tulang iga, dan tiada lama bertemu, kubopong dalam pelaminan debu, itulah penulis maksud; Kulya dalam Relung Filsafat.

(II)

Setelah menyimak paparan ganjil gandul, tetapi bukan bandul di pintunya Faust-Goethe, pula beda saat menaiki pesawat hypersonicnya Derrida, Freud, Nietzsche, Sartre serta lainnya, yang tentu kau nyaman dalam membaca.

Namun tidak selalu menaiki pesawat kan? Pasti rindu berjalan, kangen menggelandang. Sebab itu bacalah Kulya, kerikil kepastian, bukan sedari mimpi tidur tidak nyaman. Seperangkat kerja hari ini, kebijakan jalan biasa seperti wasiat Voltaire, Plato, Aristoteles juga Hegel, pelan sesuai laju hayati, maka jangan terburu-buru ketika meraupnya.

Revolusi terjadi, jika dikerjakan hati-hati pikiran matang dari dasar renungan, gerak bukan kenangan, tapi menggali air di pekarangan, memuncratkan tanah liat berpasir, dan semuanya musti dikeluarkan, bukan batuan besar, tapi kesadaran lembut pembangun tembok keadaban.

Kulya, elok parasmu di mata sedang berjalan. Bukan pesan ajaib hanya bisa dilakukan pesulap atau pepesan kosong. Namun deretan sketsa mujarab, dataran cermin digosok mengkilap, tidak cembung cekung menimbulkan penyempitan serta gelembung. Kau kudu (harus) menarik diri sebaik mungkin atau kecewa, tetapi jangan pecahkan cermin, meski citranya pudar bertelanjang.

Ceriwiskah aku? Kulya menjelma jati diri utuh, bukan asal para tokoh tersebut. Berhubung kau suka bayangan, kutaruh sosok pesona tubuh mereka, sedang cahayanya dalam diri kita. Untuk tidak salah memilah bebatuan kerikil, temukan dirimu penjaga keselarasan kasih sesama, yang tak memaksa kehendak dari akar sebelumnya.

Kulya sedang menyapa jaman di waktu pembacanya. Mencari puisi ke pelosok damai sejati, sebagai peristiwa sulit dilukiskan semata pancaran keagungan. Menghampirimu bukan lewat sangkaan semu, tapi duga ilmu membuka jaring-jaring ketulusan. Culik aku bagi tangkapan bermutu, aku terima di-beteti menjadi santapan bernilai di kediamanmu.

Jangan tersenyum wahai yang membatu di pinggiran sungai. Kalau sampai tak bertemu, berarti memberi ketukan pintu keliru. Untunglah setiap nurani insan seirama gerak kesadaran, dan bukan akar kekuasaan filsuf terdahulu yang nongkrong di otakmu.

Kulya hanya menjumput hati menghidangkan bagimu. Andai tak berkenan buanglah jauh, ini bukan mengasih, tapi sekadar memberi tahu semuanya memiliki. Sungguh sayang jika tak sampai berjumpa, buah kebenaran makna mengemban hidup, serta mewariskan kebajikan pada generasi terhormat.

(III)

Enak sekali bicara selera kebijakan; seorang teman nyeletuk. Lalu kusampaikan ini; mumpung kertas serta pena masih bersetia dengan kalbu dan jiwa. Apa yang engkau mau tentang selera kebijakan? Jika memang tak berminat, jangan sekadar jarak, ambil sikapmu dengan kalimat runtut. Kau yang paling menggebu kutunggu; di mana teman baikku?

Teman itu kelemahan juga kekhilafan. Tegur sapa aku, agar balik mengembang. Kulya sejenis ucapan harus dituruti, diruntut dari asalnya waktu kemana kan jatuh; kalbu atau nalar. Inilah rangkaian jadwal kerja, dan itu kebenaran cinta. Bekerjalah menurut seleramu. Kemerdekaan berpijak dilahirkan menentukan pandangan, maka asah mata penamu demi tancapan kian jitu.

Aku berharap kata-kataku sampai ke seberang, serupa jembaran Langitan kembar, satu menggiring ke utara, satunya mengajak ke selatan. Atau timur-barat digayuh, sementara aku tak kemana-mana serupa orang gila di jembatan, kadang sebelah kiri dan kanan. Kanan kiri menjadi tidak jelas, sebab menuju satu titik tujuan. Kalau tak menyebut utara selatan, timur barat, kiri kanan, aku berlalu lalang hampir tertabrak. Syukurlah segera terjun ke bengawan, mengikuti alirannya sampai yang dimau, bergelayut pasrah dalam keremangan doa air mata.

Aku tak lagi peduli yang tengah lalu menentukan sikap. Oleh akulah kemarin, kau berhenti mendadak, padahal jalan searah. Kau memang tidak ambil giliran, inginnya menyerobot saja. Kecuali di arena balap bisa seenaknya, tapi hati-hati tikungan tajam, kan jatuh mencium aspal mengkilat atas hujan lewat. Kata preman, pecinta juga yang iseng; jangan saling mendahului, tapi nyata kalimatnya sama; jangan saling bunuh! Namun setelah temukan kata membunuh, malah melakukan dulu. Sungguh ini kebalikan musti ditilik.

Kembali pada judul atau tak patut dipersoalkan, kalau nanti mencederai. Andai menjadi akrab bersahabat tak apa, aku teruskan seperti angin menarikan jemari bambu depan rumah. Setiap harinya berpadu rayu di lentik idep-mu, membasuh segaris tebal alismu pegunungan seribu. Inikah pandangan berpindah tentang Kulya-mu dalam Relung Filsafat-ku, berisikan ujaran-ujaran hidup. Di tahun lalu, telah kuluncurkan aforisma Ujaran-Ujaran Hidup Sang Pujangga, murni sepuluh tahun tertempuh. Namun hasilnya masih merasakan kurang mapan menjanjikan pedoman. Maka bagi penambah, Kulya ditampilkan; taruhlah di meja perjamuan tengah malam atau dalam kesianganmu sendirian.

Taruhlah sebelum mencintai, agar mampu mengambil sikap kebajikan menderap, meski belum beranjak, tapi sudah ada krentek-an niat. Sejenis itu yang kuharapkan Kulya. Taruhlah kalimatnya, lalu keluarkan pendapatmu. Adakah kemiripan? Kalau tiada, itu yang kuharap bagi selera kebijakanmu. Ini penolakan persetujuan sangat, dimana keduanya merangkul diterima pada lain tempat secara pandang. Wajah itulah kebijakan, tiada membela pun dibela, sebab pembelaanmu menjelma pribadi bermutu.

Kau iri hati ketika aku berceloteh? Yang sebenarnya kurang bijak, sebab iri hati itu kehormatan tersemat di tubuh kehendak. Agar tak menaruh hormat, irilah pada diri sendiri yang jauh berlalu membatu. Atau kenapa pengantar ini dipersembahkan bagi diri sendiri. Ini tolok ukur gratis bermasyarakat, sebagai pelajaran cuma-cuma tanpa dipungut biaya di bangku sekolah, hanya moralitasnya tanggung jawab akan tenggang rasa.

Orang Jawa dahulu berkata; ini belum waktunya dipelajari atau yang sirr (rahasia) membahaya diungkap. Dua kalimat yang menonjolkan ego, tanpa sepengetahuan penikmat. Ini hipnosis memikat; tidakkah yang berkata belum waktunya, tidak mengetahui rahasia umur seorang, apalagi dirinya? Tidakkah sirr itu nikmat sejenis sirr-sirr-an, atau kerahasiaan buka-bukaan? Memanglah di sini ada hijab melingkupi, tapi lewat kesungguhan batin, segala yang batin tak lagi membatin.

(IV)

Wahai pencipta di remang rimbun dedaun, lagi-lagi mungkin ada yang kurang berkenan, tapi biarlah hadirnya keaslian atau jangan-jangan tidak mempunyai; kesahajaan tampak walau tiada terkatakan. Ialah gerak pandanganmu ke telaga ketika mengajak aku, keayuanmu bukan yang kau lihat, tapi mereka tersaksikan.

Ia pemancing tidak peduli bayangannya menanti tangkapan. Jangan tanya atas apa mendapatkan, ia kurang berharap akan hasil payahnya, hanya merindu kesendirian mengalir, dan matahari-matahari melampaui kepala. Ia bukan pemancing malas melemparkan jala.

Tahukah yang dipercakapkan sewaktu bersama ‘senar,’ ‘walesan’ serta celurit besi mungil? Ia menunggu sambil berdialog batin atau bersamamu sekadar lewat. Tidakkah di antaranya permasalahan sekitar, maka kehati-hatian patut dituntut, bukan kegamangan terlalu tak beranjak oleh kesemutan.

Perhatianmu perbandingan merindu, kehati-hatian pula kesemutan. Di sana aku sebut harus menerjemah. Bukan berarti penerjemah tidak memiliki, lewat pandangannya berbagi jarak sangkal punya selera kenyam; memamah usia di kesenyapan, merah senja mendekam tenggelam pada kesuntukan liang, karena rindunya Ruh bertautan.

(V)

Wahai Jiwa-jiwa Tolstoy

Aku mengintipmu di balik kelambu. Kaukah yang menunggu terlempar pemahamanku, atau kupapah dalam pengantin waktu? Inikah berkah umur meluruskan, seperti apa pandanganku disaat berhadapan denganmu? Benarkah ini berkah usia kutanggung?

Mengingatmu bahwa kesalahpahaman terjadi, harusnya dikurangi, agar tak terbentur remuk sekali, tapi berpelukan hangat. Sebab cinta bukan ilmu hitung, tapi keberimbangan hukum keseimbangan nurani. Salam damai yang peringati hari, esok pijakanmu, maka langkahkan sepatu menurut selera kebenaranmu.

Aku tersenyum simpul padamu saat kau intip jendela bukuku, dunia baru pemandangan anyar menanti hakikatmu takdirku. Namun apalah arti kelahiran kalau tak bertemu kesadaran matang bermuara kebijakan lapang.

Salamku dari dekat; tinta hitam di matamu lekat menari-nari ke kalbu memberat, meluap kabut tersingkap pada dedaun menjelma embun memikat. Aku mabuk pengalamanmu-pengalamanku berpadu, pengajaranku-pengajaranmu bersatu pusaran lesung tersimpan henang-hening-henung.

Ya Allah, doaku sunyi menggebu dalam citra-Mu. Berilah kepaduan penuh keselarasan utuh, meski waktu tak balik berpeluk; yang belakangan milik-Mu, begitu juga kini, apalagi kereta kejayaan. Aku cemburu atas keputusan-Mu, berilah cukup kebijakan mauku; membiru dalam genangan kenangan, mengundu di kesunyian remang, memerah di kelenjar fajar memutih ke haribaan.

Aku si lemah berharap setuju dalam guyub ridho-Mu, oleh mentari mencahayai bintang-gemintang, bulan menemani kunang-kunang, apalagi kalau bukan ayoman-Mu kebijakanku. Kulya pada itu remuk suntuk-Mu, sebab waktu tidak balik bertemu, hujan menggenangi pipi sekali hadir kunanti kebijakan rahayu.

Marilah duduk santun berjamu, mengunyah kunyit temu masa lalu, dan bersyukur diberkahi kasih punya sayang membalas kesempatan, menemukanmu dalam kereta menuju kota, orang-orang melihat kita bagai ratu dan raja, menyebarkan beras kuning kembang tujuh rupa.

Tahukah kau yang paling kusuka, saat telingamu terselip sekutum kembang kantil putih susu. Perhatikan anak-anak pelosok desa sahaja, para prajurit punggawa gagah, berompi mentereng membawa tombak trisula, kuda-kuda perkasa ditunggangi kesatria, barisan berjajar mengawal kerinduan kita.

Yang lalu tak terkira kini menjelma perhitungan, nyata kedekatan jiwa mengikat segala maumu jiwa-jiwa Tolstoy, dariku juga dindaku tersemat dalam Kulya. Aku dan ia punya mau, semoga Tuhan setuju. Jika lelah suntuk atau suntuk lelah, hempaskan balik napasmu dalam kebesaran menyungguhi pemahanmu Kulyaku.

(VI)

Jadilah sorgaloka pendapatanmu saat belanja di pasar kebudayaanku. Pilihlah maumu, bebuah kurma di talam, buah-buah anggur nan segar, pun kembang sedap sumekar.

Atau sepasang sepatu kuda, agar larimu bertambah kencang. Mungkin kau mengidam pelayananku bersama gadis-gadis pemikat batin? Jangan malu, aku tak bercerita pada siapa pun, jikalau kau setuju.

Ini bukan pasar gelap loakan, celeng pun semacam barang rongsokan apalagi curian, sebab segala kuberi kebaharuan pandang. Aku berharap hanya satu berlaku, mata uang kejujuran.

Terbukalah olehku penuh kejelasan dagang, memang ada yang kurang kusuguhkan. Aku tak mengadakan yang tiada, yang terjadi serupa kau tak merasai panah asmara, ketidaksadaranmu kuambil untuk engkau milikmu yang belum terketahui, pun hanya kupersembahkan bagimu.

Harga-harga kuharuskan terang, aku tak suka mencla-mencle-nya lidah apalagi hati, maka jangan penasaran mengenai spekulasi atas untung lebih, karena harapan terlalu kan memberi bekas rasa sakit. Ambillah pelahan sebagai fitroh kesejatian hayati, tentu engkau memahami kedatanganku.

Sengaja tarianku tak lagi menggebu, sebab kau sering pening melihatku berputaran-putar ibarat balet membelit selendang. Ambillah jarak nilai, agar tak cepat menawar dengan harga menggelikan. Sungguh kau punya penawaran terbaik yang sanggup menyembuhkan luka kemanusiaan.

Kulya pada keterpisahan hening kesadaran paling jitu, dari lingkupmu menyetujuiku, keterjaan tekadmu berjembatan saat bertemu. Tidakkah aku telah bercerita mengenai kereta?

Mereka menantimu wahai pesemayam di kedamaian, siarkan ketentramanmu menjelma puisi pula lagu atau rumusan ayu. Pemahaman demi pemahaman, panas siang mendung ‘klawu’ malam temaram. Siapa pemilik senja fajar abu-abu?

(VII)

Inikah segitiga sama kaki di janggutmu, ketika menyusuri jembatan waktu sedingin tubuh beku, maunya panas demam menggigit kepastian cecapan lidah, lantas putus memasuki perut. Sebelum terlanjur di kedalamannya, marilah memohon kepada Pemilik Hidup seperti melapangkan yang dikehendaki, menyempitkan yang sebaliknya juga yang seharusnya ditelisik ke dalam diri.

Apa yang dikatakan ‘unen-unen’ di atas; pemilik malam merawatnya hingga menemukan purnama pula bintang-gemintang di mata, kejatuhan embun selepas bergumul lamanya kabut menunggu. Dan pemilik siang pelihara dayanya di segenap terang, menemukan cahaya matahari menerobos kulit dedaunan, mewarnai kesadaran tubuh berupa kebalikan batiniyah malam.

Sebenarnya Pemilik siang-malam senantiasa merawat malamnya tiada kelengahan. Sepenuh menggenggam kesadaran gemuruh siang lewat, juga malam harinya dikenyam demi kelanjutan menemukan siang berbinar, atas matahari bagi penggenapan bulan semalam.

Ada sebuah tanya tak mesti terjawab, tetapi diterima. Ketika terjaga malam hari, siangnya tiada risau, atau tak merasa ada yang tertinggal pula kehilangan, tapi saat terlelap di malam hari, siangnya melupakan. Inilah ketaksadaran bening dilewat. Namun bukan terus terjaga di segenap siang-malam, tapi ini yang terberi kedua waktu berbeda warna, pula ukuran masanya. Apakah demikian?

Menggelitik memang, menerangkan yang sulit dimengerti, tapi tidakkan yang belum sampai tak harus dilewatkan, bukannya dilalui dengan kesadaran kemungkinan terkendalinya ruang dirasakan. Dunia yang kita pijak kehati-hatian, mempengaruhi gerak ketentuan, mengajarkan nanti berjalan celaka atau berlaku sebaliknya. Kiranya semangat meneliti mengagumkan, jika jejaring kesadaran mengangkat yang kabur, meneggelamkan keragu-raguan bersama keyakinan tengah malam.

Sampai kini mensejajarkan siang-malam, keduanya berkemampuan, berdaya rekat seimbang berbeda warna, di sini tempatnya fajar senja berbuah sepadan wujudiyah. Namun bagaimana kalau merasai siang di malam hari, merasai malam di siang hari, atau tak merasa keduannya dalam kurungan definisi. Ini bagai purnanya penghilangan ruang-waktu setelah lewati tahap persetubuhan senyawa.

(VIII)

Yang jauh dan dekat disandingkan kemesraan. Ini bukan intrik persekutuan, tapi siku-siku kokoh segitiga kesetiaan. Yang bermusuhan pun bercinta, bobotnya sama berkehendak manunggal. Menjelma garis ketiganya bertemu saling menutup, bukan membuka huruf U kerenggangan. Senapas melodi gelombang mendekap, sebanding mencapai bintang menjulang.

Andai di keremangan terwujud, tinggal diimbangkan cahaya luar, agar tak kontras pada pemilihan tempat. Untuk kemakmuran hati seyogyanya dibutuhkan pencahayaan purna, kejelasan guna tak tersandung fitnah, fatal lagi menganggap tiada sebab kegelapan. Cahaya yang utama, sketsa membutuhkannya, makna yang terkandung adalah tunduk Pemilik Cahaya.

Tahap berikut benar-benar kerelaan total akan kebutuhan. Tidak mungkin segitiga menjaring cahaya, maka harus memanfaatkan lubangnya demi peroleh bentuk. Oleh karenanya, ruang di luar harusnya ditutup rapat; goda keragu-raguan yang dapat membuyarkan garis terang, adalah ketegasan ditegakkan demi ketajaman maksud.

Secara naluri segitiga berlubang, tinggal meneguhkan niatan. Di sini sudut-sudut diberi tugas sama mengangkat menuju ke pucuk realita. Bagaimana, jika salah satu sudut segitiganya telah bercahaya? Taruhlah di tengah yang akan membentuknya.

Bagaimana jika cahaya bukan hasil segitiga, tapi dua garis sebelumnya? Tinggal mengarahkan yang sedang berlangsung kesadaran kecil mengikuti dewasa. Kenapa segitiga? Sebab butuh pencahayaan fokus. Tanpa cahaya kan buyar tak terarah, tiada memiliki titik kejelasan pada dataran kesungguhan.

Barangkali siang-malam dan senja, atau siang-malam dan fajar bersatu dalam diri, untuk mengurangi kelupaan yang selalu merasa kehilangan. Akhir panjang pendeknya catatan ini bagi surat pamungkas firasat. Atau jadilah tembang nang-ning-nung bersetubuh dalam Relung Filsafat Kulya. Hadirlah kesetaraan menimbang bahan bergerak senyawa kuat, mawas diri dalam cermin kaca benggala masing-masing.

Yang baik terpantul terang, yang keliru tersadar tiga kali. Kulya tidak habis memberi inspirasi, menimba kata-kata jernihkan mata batin. Anak-anakan rambut ikal memanjang, janganlah putus sebelum siang malam senja, malam siang fajar; kau aku juga mereka, aku kau kepada-Nya.

Seperti memindahkan Ibukota, aku pamit mengalihkan bukit Arjuna menjelma Candi Prambanan, sambil kutaburkan kisah percintaan, batu-batu Borobudur kuambil, lalu aku masukkan dalam ingatan jaman. Aku tegakkan tugu kaca segitiga di tengah kota, agar saling bercermin dalam laku kemanusiaan. Wahai pemberi keberanian ini, salam dariku punya mau; kebijakanku menjelma maumu. Lantas apalah pedulinya yang tidak setuju kebijakanku.

02/12/2004, 09/2009, 2 Mei 2020.

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Prologue; NANG NING NUNG, IT’S MY TYPE OF POLICY

Kulya in Deep Space of Philosophy

Reflect on Leo Tolstoy’s Wisdom Calendar

Written by Nurel Javissyarqi

Translated by Agus B. Harianto

(I)

All praise and worship to You as the lord of hidden treasure and hidden vocabulary in the sky and in the earth. Alhamdulillah, my life is still embedded shyly for the meaning of everlasting leaving in me. And, Your mercy gives enlightenment for who hopes on the light.

My craving transforms to be firefly that still can’t fly; I was just born from a tradition, whilst my brothers born earlier. I am still learning destination of the flying of event, I witnessed pulsation frightened away my cute soul. Which fallen when flying because of broken wings, and some became obedient in muddy water for the end of life and also crept to get best friend to unite in circle of essence. I am still concentrating to begin the definition of lamp; all flying white ants really hope the light from me. Watching all those are dancing till tired over.

Will I become pant for? I consider the doubt in the deep space of jealous. Can I fly away higher than my former? I don’t want to be forgotten quickly or just at the low of obscure. I began conscious that the spirit is the light of brightness of the End’s love. I confessed in the name of Allah before step on the air, I moved the wings at deep hesitation by pain, I witnessed the pulsation misses the truly insane color. I haven’t reached yet the willing to gather with Him in the conflict between heart and passion. At that time, I was really wanted to do anything beyond the former. But, the fact, the typhoon is frozen at the conflict of time.

Nang ning nung, gave silence of emptiness on the body that must wipe the passion out for me to take Your empty bless in my most variety and curve understanding. Start to release the secret of full mysteriousness on by one. My wings flying were beating hard cause didn’t hope to be quickly dropped and thunderous didn’t want to be fallen. I had the power of testimony of that night to tear out the life spirit and asked the soul to wander together with the stickiest body.

I flapped the charmed dancing slowly; I softened my ethic and virtue which came from surprised soul. Now, those are in same rotation, nine flying white ants fell, seven of them died and abandoned, and twelve of them lied down and groaned at the side of fence. I lived alone without any friends any comforter. I whispered in loneliness because of pressed by cold is gnawing foundation of confused people.

Fortunately, I have learned before. I reached the light and I kissed tightly in the pulsation of warm soul which is uniting in ribs. One by one disappeared doesn’t know where. Will I find it in the real world? Or, transforms to be the angel of heaven? I was really stupefied by the essence of disappear without the sound of insects. What should I do? I wanted to rotate the light again as the center of the spirit of my soul with the time. Oh, I enjoyed anything I have ever guessed. My prediction transforms to be knowledge, comprehension of the meaning of life copulated in glory of gathered realizations.

I didn’t count how many times I rotated the light was dancing in my mind. I hoped to be scorched by Your light. But, You didn’t give the light to me. I stared viscidly the copulation of determinant of my destiny until be balanced. You are in the picture of mirror or I had to take bath thousand times to make my face more handsome when I want to humble before You.

I used civet at my armpit, because I was really drunk by Your light. My strength became weaker, when I heard the steps of angels came closer. Who are you, alas the one has body fulfills the earth with your wings? Are you Gabriel? Or, you are the withdrawer of joy? I was in sadness of cloud that become heavier in grasps, but none embraced tightly, only visited the time for a while, and then, flied to leave me. My strength became droopier. I loosed the rope of destiny that I believe as foundation. I released the whole thing to get certainty.

I kneeled on earth to reach unsolved stiffly times when my wings are engaging one by one. Why it didn’t drop in the muddy of dirty water? Because I knew it didn’t the essence of knowledge, it only the decoration of worldliness which deathly for the former. Hence, I decided to find the costal and I met soon, I carried it on the marriage’ dais of dust. Those I, the writer, meant for; Kulya in Deep Space of Time.

(II)

After I paid attention to the mysterious explanation of hanging around but this wasn’t meant the door accessories at the house of Faust – Goethe, and also it’s different when we ride on hypersonic aircraft of Derrida, Freud, Nietzshe, Sartre, etc, whom you fell comfort in reading.

But, it doesn’t have to by the plane, does it? We must be longing to walk, be yearning to wander aimlessly. Therefore, read Kulya, the pebble of certainty. It didn’t come from the dream of uncomforted sleep. A set of working to day, as the policy of usual ways like the last will and testament of Voltaire, Plato, Aristo, and also Hegel. It runs slowly like the speed of life, hence don’t get rush when you want to get it.

Revolution occurred when it is worked carefully by matured mind from the bottom of contemplation. Its motion doesn’t come from the memory, but comes from digging the water on yard, spill clay mixed with sand out and all must be spilled out. It doesn’t big stones, but it is soft consciousness of developer of the wall of civilization.

Kulya, you look so nice on the eyes of walking person. You are not the spiritual message that only can be done by the magician or only conversation without meaning. But, you are cure-all sketches. If we caresses surface of mirror, it will be shining; it won’t be convex or concave that can bear narrowing and also bear bubbles. You must restrain your selves as well as you could, or you will be disappointed. But, don’t break the mirror although its prestige is faded nakedly.

Am I talking too much? Kulya is transforming to be intact self identity. It didn’t come from those prominent figures. Whereas, you like the shadow of public figure, hence I putted the charming figure of their bodies, while their lights are in our selves. In order to do not wrong choosing of pebbles, figure your selves out as the guardian of harmony of love each other, who doesn’t lay down the law since previous basic.

Kulya was accosting to the ages at the times of its reader. It seeks poems till the corners of true peace, as the phenomenon that hard to be described by a vision of glorious enlightens. It visits you, trough not absurd assumptions, but it is knowledge estimation to open the nets of sincerity. “Kidnap me for quality capture, I will be relieve to be peeled to be valuable food in your place.”

“Don’t smile, alas the one who becomes stone at the side of river. If we won’t meet each other, it’s mean that we are knocking at the wrong door. The lucky thing, every heart of human being is harmoniously in motion of consciousness, and it’s not the root of philosophy’s power that dwelling in your mind.”

Kulya is only picking the heart to and present for you. If you don’t feel comfort with it, throw it away. It doesn’t mean to give, but it’s only telling you that everybody has. Too bad if we don’t meet each other, the fruits of wisdom’s truth carries out the life, and also inherits the virtue to next and respected generations.

(III)

It is easy to talk about the sense of policy; my friend said it in free time. Then I said to him about it; while the papers and the pen were still loyal to the heart and soul. What do you expect from the senses of policy? If you don’t intend to it, don’t just make distance wit it, take your decision with the continuous sentences. You are the most things I ever wait; where is my good friend?

The friend is weakness and also mistaken. Say hello to me, so I accosted you back in advanced. Kulya is such a word that must been followed, traced from where it was came from of time and where it would be stricken; into the heart or into the mind. This is a series of work’s schedule and that’s about the truth of love. Work as you like. The liberty to step on is born to determine the view, hence grind down your tip of pen in order the embedding to be sharper.

Hopefully my words would be broadcasted to the across country, such as the wide of twin skies, one leads to the north and the other leads to the south. Or East and West are reached, while I was not going to anywhere like a crazy man on the bridge, sometimes onto the left side and sometimes onto the right. The left and the right becomes indistinctively because it aims to one point of goal. If we don’t mention about the north or south, east and west, left or right, I wouldn’t crushed when I went back and forth. It would be grateful I was straight to jump down and swallowed by the big river, to follow its current to the place it wanted, hanging defenselessly in the vague of pray and tears.

I don’t care anymore to the one who is thinking to have a certain attitude. Because of me you were suddenly stopped yesterday, instead our path is in the same direction. It was indeed you didn’t want to take turn to get in front of me. Except in the racing filed we could do as we like, but however you must be careful to the blind turning if you don’t want to kiss the glossy asphalt because of passing rain. Street man said, the lover and the joker; don’t getting ahead of one another, but in fact the sentence is same; don’t kill one another! But, after found the word of kill, instead you did it earlier. It is the reversing that must been observed.

Let’s get back to the title or it shouldn’t be the matters, if it will hurt. But if it becomes intimately would be fine, I would continue to dance the finger of bamboo in front of the house. Everyday I gather the personal persuade in curved of your eyelids, wash a thick line of your eyebrow, the thousand mountains. Is this the view changed in your Kulya in (Dalam) my “Relung Filsafat” (your Kulya in my Deep space of Philosophy), which contains “Ujaran-Ujaran Hidup Sang Pujangga” (Pronouncement of Life of the Poet), and really finished for ten years ago. But, its result is still felt not established yet to give main viewpoint. So the addition of Kulya is performed; put it on the table of midnight’s hospitality or in your lonely noon.

Take it before you love, in order you could to have constantly kindness behave, even though you haven’t done it yet but at least you had been have intention. Something like that I hoped from Kulya. Got its words and give your opinion. Are there similarities? If there are no similarities, that’s I hope of your type of policy. This is disapproval of the great deal, where both are twining and received in different place and different way of view. That face is the policy, no plead or even been pleaded, because you pleading incarnates to be personality that has quality.

Do you envy I talked too much? It is truly not wise, because jealousy is the honor pinned on the body of wish. If you don’t want to be left by the honor, envy to your self which is going so far and tough. Or, why this prologue is performed to my self. This is the gratis viewpoint to be socialized as the free education without fee such as in the formal school, just its morality has responsibility on consideration.

The old Javanese have ever said; this shouldn’t be learnt or it is secret that is jeopardy to be revealed. Two sentences signalized ego knowledge from its reader. This is attracted hypnotize; doesn’t who said the words is not his time to say that, he doesn’t know the secret of age of someone, moreover himself? Doesn’t “sirri” is deeply enjoyable such as the secrets are revealed? It is indeed in here there is “hijab” (veil) blanketed, but through the seriousness of the heart all inside the heart won’t be longer as the secret.

(IV)

Oh! The creator in the bushy of bushes, again, maybe there is disliked. But, just let the originality comes or otherwise they don’t have it; the comfort is visible even though untold. It is the motion of your staring to the lake when you asked me, your beauties are not what you seen but they are performed.

The fisherman doesn’t care about his shadow when he is waiting for his capture. Don’t question about what he captured, he was just not hoped on his fruits, he just missed the loneliness comes forward; the sun passes above the head. He is not a lazy fisherman by throwing the net.

Do you know what he talked when he was with the string for fishing, fishing rod, and diamond fly cutter? He waited while he was doing conversation in his heart or with you that was just passing through. Didn’t among of it is the around matters, hence the carefulness is deserved to be demanded, it wasn’t the incredible hesitation he didn’t move because of became numb.

Your attention considered him to miss, to be carefully and also becoming numb. At there mentioned that we must interpret. It doesn’t mean that the translator don’t have it, through his view to share the distance of disagreement and sense of interpretation; processing his experience in the loneliness, the red of twilight be in crouching and sinks at the seriousness of hole, because of the longing of The Spirit is related.

(V)

Oh! The souls of Tolsoy

I peeped at you behind the curtain. Was that you waiting for my flung understanding, or I guided in bride of time? Is this the grace of age to straighten what my view was when I stood before you? Is this really the grace of time I have been carrying?

Remember you that the misunderstanding happened, I must lessen it in order not to be crushed over, but fathom seriously. Because love is not mathematic, but it is the balance of the law of heart’s balance. Peace to the one who is commemorating his birth day, tomorrow is your stepping switch; hence move your shoes as the sense (type) of your truth.

I was smiling at you when you peeped at the windows of my book, new world new view have been waiting your essence and my destiny. But, what the meaning of birth has if it doesn’t meet the mature consciousness which is flow to the end of spacious policy.

My greeting is from short distance; black ink in your eyes is sticky and dancing into the heart and getting heavy, brimmed over the uncovered fogs and transformed to the charmed dews. I was drunk by gathered of your experience and mine, my education and yours was united in the rotation of canoe (space) and kept in the henang-hening-henung (very quiet and lonely).

Ya Allah, my pray is quiet and buoyant in Your Image. Bless me full gathering and intact harmony, although the time doesn’t back to embrace; the past is Yours, and present days as well, moreover the cart of glory. I was jealous of your Decision, just bless me the wise of my willing; being blue in puddle of memory, picking in the loneliness of sunless, being red in the gland of dawn, and being white into Your Presence.

I am the weak, whom hope lots to be agree in the crowded of Your Blessing, by the sun illuminates the moon, and it accompanies the firefly, what else it is if not Your Sheltered to my policies. The kulya into it is crushed by your seriousness, because the time won’t be back to meet me. The rain flooded to once performing cheek is I waiting for the well-being policies.

Let’s sit politely with hospitality to chew the beer of past, and be grateful because we are blessed by love and care to repay the chance, found you in the train aimed to the town, people watched us like a king and a queen, scattered the yellow rice and seven kind of flowers.

Do you know what I most prefer, when on there is as white as milk of frangipani flower on your ear. Pay attention to the boys from the prosper village, the brawny soldiers wear flossy vest and hand sharp stake spear, the strong and robust horses are ridden by the knight, aligned cavalry escorted our longing.

The unpredicted past time is now incarnating to be predicted. It is real that the nearness of soul engages anything you wish, oh, the souls of Tolstoy, from me and my beloved is pinned in the Kulya. I and he have willing, hopefully Allah blesses us. If you tired, re-breathes of yours in the glory to be serious your understanding, oh My Kulya.

(VI)

Be the heaven of your \opinion when you were shopping in the market of my culture. Take anything you like, date palm fruit on the tray, fresh grapes, or even the fresh blossoming flowers.

Or a pair of horseshoe for your faster runs. Perhaps you craved my service with the girls attracted to the heart? Don’t be shy, I won’t tell anybody if you agree.

This is not black market or even flea market, money box is such a wreckage thing or even the stolen, because everything I gave is renewing of view. I wish there is only one accepted, the currency of honesty.

It was opened by me the clarity of commercial, but there is still lack I performed. I didn’t make exist whatever is nothingness, but whatever happened similar like you don’t feel the coming of the arrow of love, your unconscious I took for you and the unknown belong to you, and also I presented it only for you.

I demanded clarity of prices, I don’t like the inconsistent of the mouth moreover the heart, hence don’t be burnt up about the speculation on the profit too much, because hope leaves too much pain in the heart. Take it slowly as the purity of the essence of life, definitely you understood my arrival.

Deliberately my dancing is not so buoyant anymore, because you often had headache seeing me pirouetted in ballet dancing twisted the shawl. Have the distance of value in order you not to be hurry to offer with laughable price. Obviously you have good offers that could cure the wounded of humanity.

The Kulya in the separation of silence of the most accurate consciousness since your scope agreed me; the awareness of your strong willing has bridge when it met. Didn’t I tell you about the train?

They have been waiting for you, oh the one who stays in the peace, broadcasted your comfort incarnated poems and songs or even beauty formulas. One comprehension to another understanding. The hot day, the gray cloud and the sunless night. Who is the owner of twilight and the gray dawn?

(VII)

Is this isosceles triangle of your chin, when you traced the bridge of time that was as cold as frozen body but its willing was so strong as such fevering and biting the certitude of tongue’s tasted, and then broken off to enter the stomach. Before it was going deeper in to it, let’s pray to The Owner of life to relieve anything He wished and narrowed on the contrary and also what should be introspected inside the self.

What had have said by proverb above; the owner of the night takes good care of it until we found the full moon and also the stars in the eyes (the enlightenment of view), the dropping of dew after it was tussling with long waiting of mist. And the owner of noon takes good care of his strength in the whole light, found the sunbeam break through the skin of leaves, colored the awareness of the body with the reversing of night’s heart.

Actually the owner of day and night always takes good care of his night without any carelessness. With the whole of his ability he grasps thunderous consciousness of passing noon, and also the night is experienced for the sake the continuance to find the bright day, on the sun of completeness to last night moon.

There is a question that must not been answered but it’s accepted. When we awakened at night, at the day we wouldn’t feel anxious or we wouldn’t feel there is something left behind or even lost. But, when we felt asleep at night, at the day we are going to feel lost. This is the clear unconsciousness we missed. But, it doesn’t mean that we should be awaken at day and night, but it is the given from both time that is different in color and even the dimension. Is it so?

It is motivated indeed, explain the elusive, but it won’t the immature understanding shouldn’t be missed, it doesn’t mean that it must been passed with the consciousness of the possibility of space controlled that felt. The world we live on is the carefulness affects the motion of certitude, teaches us to step in bad lucky later or on the contrary. Presumably the spirit to research is amazing if the net of consciousness raised the vague, sunk the hesitation into the conviction of midnight.

Until now it is still stabilizing the day and night, both have its own ability, have the same attractive power but different color. Over here is the place where the dawn and twilight has fruit that is equally with wujudiyah. But, how if we feel the day at night, and feel the night at day, or even we don’t feel them both in bracket of definition. It is such as the perfection of elimination spatiotemporal after passed the level of soul’s copulation.

(VIII)

The far and the near is sitting in the intimation. This is not intrigue of alliance, but it is tough angle of the triangle of fidelity. The hostile and being in love, the quality is same they have willing to be in one. Incarnated the line and the three of it met each other and closed each other, didn’t open like the alphabet ‘U’ which means estrangement. It is as same as the breathing of the melody of waves and equally with reaching the towering stars.

If in the sunless it was materialized, it just equaled with the outside light for the sake of there won’t be any contrasts at the determination of place. For the comfort of heart, obviously is needed the perfect lighting, the clarity in order to be not blocked by calumny, it is so fatal because of assumed not existing by the darkness. The prior light, sketch needs it, it’s mean that we should submit to the Owner of The Light.

The next level is really totaled sincere to the need. It is impossible that the triangle catches the light; hence we must use its hole to get the form. On that ground, the space outside should be closed tightly; temptation of doubts that could disperse the bright line is upheld firmness for the sake of the accurate of destination.

In our instinct, the triangle is holed, we just strengthened the intention. In here, the angles have the same duty to rise onto the top of reality. How if one of the submissive of its angles had have the light? Put it on the middle that would form it.

How about if the light is not the result of the triangle, but two lines before? We just led what’s going on; the young consciousness followed the adult one. Why triangle? Because of it needs the focus of light. Without the light, it will be spread over without any direction; it won’t have the point of clarity at the sphere of seriousness.

Perhaps, the day-night and afternoon, or the noon-the night and the dawn united in the self to lessen the forgetfulness that always felt lost. At last, wide and limited of this note is to be the final letters of feeling. Or, it becomes the song of nang-ning-nung that is copulating in Relung Filsafat Kulya (Deep space of Philosophy of Kulya). And then came the equality to consider the matters with the motion of strong souls, carefully in each introspection.

The good is reflected brightly, the mistaken is wised up three times. Kulya won’t be extinguished to give inspiration to bail the words clearing the eyes of heart. The hair is hanging loose; don’t be broke before the noon night and afternoon, the night-noon and the dawn; you and me and also them, me and you to Him.

Similar like moves the capital city; I would say good bye to divert the Arjuna hill incarnated to be the Prambanan temple while I spread the story of love, I took the stones of Borobudur then I put it in the memory of period. I upheld the triangle glass monument in the middle of the city, for the sake of we could spruce in the mirror in the manner of humanity. Oh! The giver of this courage, greeting from me whom has willing; my policies incarnated to be your wish.

December 2, 2004, September 2009.

Kulya: In Arabic, we surely know the word ‘kul’ which mean ‘say of you or talk’ and ‘ya’ which mean ‘hey, alas’. In here, translator captured that the writer wished to combine this words becomes ‘kulya’ which mean ‘hey, you better say, or, hey, you better talk.’ Wallahu alam bishshowab.

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